how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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