theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
