Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
