yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
