i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
two words...techno handjob
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Houston, we have a squirter
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
