Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
