I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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