He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
