WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
