Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
