the new term for farting is butt boxing.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
