I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Two words: blizzard sex
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You ruined the universe
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
