No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
