Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
