So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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