I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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