Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
