so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
