TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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