After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
