Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
