Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
