chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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