I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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