Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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