sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
