dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My bed smells like the plague
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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