And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
