Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
