So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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