There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
