I think i peed on brittanys purse
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
