I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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