I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
