Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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