im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
