I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
