Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
