my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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