The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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