hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
