You just made me feel so damn special
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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