Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
