singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
