Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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