I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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