I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My cat gives me a boner
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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