Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
