I didn't shave. On purpose
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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