You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
