i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize