And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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