I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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