I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
