I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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