well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
