whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
