peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
