I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
