Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was like eating out sand paper
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
