so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
