I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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