On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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