I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
