i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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