dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
