my mouth tastes like poor choices
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
