The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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