Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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