Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
