Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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