Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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