You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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